Take what you want but leave the grapefruit

I had a very weird dream last night - first I was on a plane with a really hot guy and the plane crashed and we were alone in this beautiful place and it was fantastic….then I had the stress part of the dream cycle where someone broke into our house and the FH wasn’t here….it was in the middle of the day, it was a strange dream and the guy opened up the fridge and started to take the grapefruit. I threw myself in front of the fridge took off my jewels and said “Take what you want but leave the grapefruit alone.” I was honestly VERY upset about this dream and the idea that someone could come in to my house and just take my grapefruit.

Speaking of grapefruit, how many is too many to eat in a 24 hour period? Let’s say that you’ve had 2 grapefruit the day before and you realize that the one thing that you could really eat right now is a grapefruit….even though you’ve already had 2, you know that the 3rd grapefruit is going to be THE best one of all with perfect segments and tang. You stop yourself from eating your 3rd grapefruit in less then 18 hours and so you have a peach and then some chocolate chip cookies and then you blog about your scary grapefruit dream and you still want that grapefruit. You have the grapefruit right? You eat it and you enjoy it and you rationalize that grapefruit is healthy food….no one would frown if you went after your third crown of broccoli….right? okay. be back later.

Why there are too many damn bridges in NY

Let this be a warning - this post is random. There is so Segue from topic to topic…there is no rhyme or reason and the only excuse I have is that my allergies are hurting like I have 6 of the 7 dwarfs working on my head to ensure that the pressure stays there and the 7th dwarf is jumping up and down on my bladder with Lexi. So, in short, I’m a real pleasure.

There are too many bridges in NY - I don’t like bridges….this fear started back when Hurricane Andrew happened and I saw bridges get washed away by waves…since then, I no like bridges. I had to drive to the airport this morning to drop of the FH for a quick over night trip and I got so damn lost trying to be smooth and miss the traffic. Here’s a lesson for you - GO THE WAY YOU KNOW. Don’t get creative. Don’t think that you’ll know where to go. Don’t think that it will be intuitive with signs and stuff. Just sit in the damn traffic. ESPECIALLY if it’s raining because clearly rain brings out both worms and complete moron tools on to the roadways.

I’m having some pressure in my head area - I took a very long nap this afternoon rather then being productive…I feel equal parts glad and awful about this. I had a whole window of opportunity to do “stuff” and instead of “doing stuff” I was sleeping on the couch with a bad Hallmark movie in the background.

Now for some cuteness. I’m giving up on embedding the flickr video but you must check out the video that’s in my Flickr called Snoogle - a Pillow special for Teddy. Well, that’s an overstatement….you don’t have to…on second viewing it’s only relatively cute and not really “must worthy”. You make the call how about that.

A morning in statements

Nothing ever goes right on the way to the airport.

I just marked all 115 posts in my Google Reader read because I was honestly too overwhelmed to deal with reading that many posts and feeling that overwhelmed.  I’ve never done that before….I really regret it and there is no undo button.

It’s a rainy rainy day and I’m kind of glad because I could really use a lazy rainy day kind of day.

My one work thing to do today was very short and sweet so I am calling it a work day.  I’m sure I’ll be on e-mail at some point over the weekend.  But for now the work is off.  I feel really good about that…because honestly, this week kicked my pregnant ass in a completely new way.  And it was not pleasant.

The Balance

So my post earlier today was thoughtful…and because I crave balance I wanted to throw it off with a little humor.

Scene:  I was wearing a dress yesterday. I was comfortable.  See the pictures over there in the right sidebar…that was me yesterday…there’s even a very embarrassing video that REQUIRES a comment if you watch it because it’s scary and awful and if you’re going to laugh…at least laugh with me.

What I did: I went for a walk up to the top of the hill to get Coffee Creamer from the Dagistino’s.  It’s a big hill.  When in shape this hill is daunting…when pregnant it’s a force to overcome.  So I climb the hill…I get to the top, I’m huffing and puffing, I’m still wearing the dress.  I’m aware that I probably look pretty hilarious at that moment.  But hell, I don’t know a single person in the area what do I care.  So I’m walking in the parking lot and a women that is no closer then 16 cars away from me (which is some distance you’ll agree) SCREAMS to me and I quote “OH MY GOSH, you’re HUGE!!!!  When are you due.”  I was completely caught off guard….I had a who, me moment because SURLY this women that is so far from me isn’t commenting to ME?!?!?!  There isn’t a person alive that is stupid enough to say such a thing to a pregnant lady that clearly just huffed it up a hill.  BUT SHE WAS TALKING TO ME.  So I restrained myself from slapping her silly and giving her the verbal stripping of a lifetime and I flipped her off.  I looked her dead in the eye and flipped her off and turned around into the store.

So if you know a women telling a story of the pregnant women in Cross River giving her the bird and how awful I was….well that was me and I’m proud.  I’m so proud I even told my mother about it.  And she still loves me.  Because mothers have to.  And for the love of god.  IF YOU SEE ME don’t tell me I’m huge. I’m well aware.

I should mention if she had said this within 3 feet of me, in the grocery store, not after my hike up the hill, after a Diet A&W or after a grapefruit or after a shower that I would have smiled nicely and told her that I would be even huger soon.  So I’m not a complete bitch.  Just mostly.

TFT: The evolving nature of being a sibling.

I’ve had this post in me for a long time…it’s been marinating…or being ignored intentionally because it’s a touchy subject for me.  So here we go.  The evolving nature of being a sibling.

I have a brother, lets call him Mark, because that’s his name (I’m so clever sometimes).  Tomorrow Mark will turn 26.  He’s my little brother and in a lot of ways he always will be.  In other ways he is much bigger, like in height. My brother is very tall and he’s pretty cute too.  When we were kids we were constantly playing; the hours that we have spent making forts, playing legos, swinging, and getting into trouble in the ditch and the woods and the playroom can not be counted.  I love my brother very very much - he was my Maid of Honor at my wedding because I couldn’t think of another person in the world that I could count on the way I can count on My Mark.  He’s very thoughtful, kind and sensitive - he’s also tough, strong and likes to get dirty.  He also learns things the hard way a lot of the time and I’ve always tried to be there for him as much as possible because he’s my brother, and that means a lot to me.

This morning I instant messaged with my brother.  This was the first time that we had been in contact in 4 months.  Clearly we both have a lot going on….he’s expecting a little boy in the next month and like every situation, it’s complicated. (I can’t wait to be an Aunt, and yes, this child will be spoiled rotten)  There was a time that I could tell Mark anything, I could be really honest, I wouldn’t have to sugar coat anything for him because he knew that I was coming from a place that only loved him and never judged him.  I guess at some point, and I’m not sure when, this changed.  Because the last time I spoke to him 4 months ago I gave my five cents (it was quite a bit more then 2 cents, I admit, and I probably should have said 2 cents worth)….and he must have questioned that fundamental thing that I thought never needed questioning: That he’s my brother, I love him unconditionally and I would never judge him.  In fairness, he’s very busy and probably had no clue that it had been so long that we hadn’t spoken….being pregnant my month counting has become really advanced.

So my thought this Thursday is how do relationships with siblings change?  Does it happen as you become “grown-ups” or when you get married or when you have kids?  And am I the only one that doesn’t really like this change?  It will be a while before Lexi has a sibling, but when that happens what will my expecations be for their relationship?  Is it different between sisters or brothers or the combination…having only ever had a brother I wonder what it would be like to have a sister.

It’s a kind of rainy day today and I would give just about anything to go play a game of monopoly with my brother and maybe play some lego’s and be 9 again…so even though he doesn’t read my blog (apparently, he gets enough of me without reading my every thought on this blog) here’s a little birthday message….maybe Mom or Becca will print it for him. Happy Birthday Bud.  I am so proud of you and I always will be.  You’re my brother and I couldn’t have more love for you - I just couldn’t.  I can’t believe that we’re both going to be PARENTS and I can’t wait to see what a fantastic Dad you’re going to be.  The thing that’s really scary is that if these kids are anything like us the next 18 years (okay 25) are going to be pretty busy….I need you to know that no matter how busy I am that I think of you every day…I think about cookie making and christmas and shopping trips and fort making and I smile - because I got so lucky to have a brother like you.  Cheers to another year!  I love ya.

Goals for today

In this order here are my goals for today:

1. Survive
2. Not scream at anyone for being a complete moron
3. Complete the things I have to do for work today (hahahaha)
4. Make a comprehensive list of things I still have to accomplish before Lexi is born
5. Make a list of the things I’d like to do with the FH before we have a new person to attend to
6. Move the laundry from the washer to the dryer and wash the sheets
7. Buy more french vanilla creamer for my decaf coffee.
8. Go for a walk.
9. Mail back the FH’s Life Insurance docs signed.
10. Enjoy some cold Lemonade
11. Use my camera

I’m hoping I get past #3.

I need a way to make $18.00 a day

So around 4:30pm today I threw in the towel.  The work wasn’t ever going to get done…people were throwing more crap on the pile that was all duplicated stuff and I was getting frustrated and was increasingly edgy over my Root Beer shortage so I said ‘bite me, Tuesday’ and logged off.

I went and did an errand and then realized that the nail salon was open and my toes were naked and the nicest lady was there and she gives the best foot massages ever and so I got the pedicure.  And then I got an extra 15 minute shoulder/back/arm/ hand reflexology massage.  I’m pretty sure I would french kiss this women and put out if she asked me too - I was like butta….which is like butter but better.  So the extra massage and tip is $18.00 I just need to figure out a source of income for that $18 a day so I can visit her daily because really I would be SO much more pleasant to deal with and isn’t it WORTH it.  My plan is to pitch it to the FH tonight as an investment in my happiness….I’m willing to compromise down to 2 times a week….I can walk there after all so we wouldn’t incur travel costs.  Really, it’s a steal for a happier wife.

I also replenished the Diet A&W supply so that concern is now off the list and went to the library where I found great entertainment in considering to read about 50 different books.  That excursion turned the day around.

It’s Chicken Fajita night at my house - The Contest is still going on over at Chop. Stir. Mix.  If you haven’t commented then you haven’t done your part.

Tuesday consider this an invitation to bite me.

Have you ever really thought about how inappropriate it is to tell someone to “bite me” - it really is…and yet I can’t seem to help myself.  I’ve told a handful of basketball ref’s to bite me, I tell the FH to bite me in combination with flipping him off at least weekly…and now I’m telling Tuesday to bite me.  Seriously.  Tuesday, you’ve f&*ed with me for the last time.  IT’S OVER.  We’re BREAKING UP.

Let’s go over a short list of reasons why:

• I was woken up with the feeling of death as Teddy decided the warmest, best place to sleep was ON my face this morning.  Not a good way to start the day.
• The FH had opened all the windows in the bedroom because he was “hot” last night and I hear the heat is on….so we effectively threw money out the window for hours yesterday, fantastic.
• I had to clean the bathrooms today because we had someone coming to the house and bathrooms must be clean.
• The person coming to our house was SUPPOSED to be here to help us with Life Insurance & Wills…..instead he spent 20 minutes talking about financial planning.  You know what my financial plan is?  No?  BECAUSE NEITHER DO I.  I just want Life Insurance buddy and a simple will.  He couldn’t help with the will at all and the Life Insurance is done.  Great.  2 hours and 35 minutes of my life GONE and it was painful.  This is just another example that being a grown up sucks.
• I have a crap load of work to do.  Seriously, it’s just too much and this one particular person sends me 17 e-mails each with a single update.  I’ve never considered ignoring someone before….well that’s not true.  I never seriously considered it.  Now.  I am.
• Heartburn.  I loathe you.  I think you are the worst thing in the entire world.  You laugh at my Tums, you roll on the floor with the Pepcid.  You’re evil and I hate you.
• I only have one can of Diet Root Beer in the fridge and I want it - but I also don’t like the idea of not having a backup…I could always go to the store.  But, the effort in combination with the Heartburn puts this really unhappy look on my face.

I think what I need is to go for a walk, buy Root Beer and an ice cream drumstick and get a pedicure.  Yeah.  That’s what I need. According to my schedule I should be able to do that around 8:30pm.  Perfect.

Because “The Contest” was clearly written by men.

Have you seen the Sienfeld episode “The Contest”….well you need to see it if you haven’t.  It was clearly written by men because I, for one, do not believe that Elaine would have lost such a contest in real life.

That being said this is really about The Contest we’re having over here at Chop. Stir. Mix.  It’s a good Contest….you won’t have to give up any extracurricual activies to participate and it’s got prizes.  So, go, visit, read, comment, forward, cook, eat, write.  In that order, over and over again.

Thank you.

meme for youyou.

I was tagged by Jenny - and thank goodness because I really needed to find something to write about that was fun today!

1. I love pens.  A lot.  I have no fewer then hundreds of pens….and yet I like one brand the best Pentel R.S.V.P in Medium ink flow….I don’t like any other ink flow.  Now if that particular pen is not available I then turn to the Bic Atlantis in blue or black ink…I prefer all pen writing and lists be done in black though.  So yeah, I’m a freak.
2. There is a right way to load a dishwasher and then there’s the way that the FH does it….a load of dishes will never ever ever be run if it’s loaded the incorrect way.  Ever.  My way allows for the most stuff to be put in and for those things to not fill with water or stay dirty.
3. Car alarms really bother me.  There is an old lady that lives in our cul-de-sac and she can’t operate her car alarm and it really makes me angry…she’s always setting the thing off and it’s RUDE and disrupting.   I also hate motorcycle engine revers.
4. I’m afraid to cut my hair.  I read in one of the pregnancy books that women that cut off inches of hair when they are pregnant do so because they don’t want to look pregnant and then they end up looking WAY more pregnant and more like Julie Andrews in the sound of music.  So I’m afraid….this is the longest my hair has been since our wedding…and now I’m thinking that I’ll just keep letting it grow until Lexi comes.  At least it goes into a pony tail without pieces falling out every other second.
5. I will always have crackers in my house….I’m not sure why this is so important to me…but crackers must be here or I will run to the store and get some.
6. I’m at a loss when I don’t have a list.  I need them.  If I don’t have one I get kind of irritated…and a project must always be on the horizon.

the rules are:
* link to the person who tagged you.
* post the rules on your blog.
* share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.