So, can I just tell you that I am SOOO excited to share this with you.  This blog is moving…actually it moved.  This is the last post here on casscomerford.wordpress.com.  So please come on over to the new blog and see it’s Shiny New Fresh Look:  http://www.cassjustcurious.com/

I’m looking for a bellybutton guard - something that will conceal my bellybutton through multiple layers of clothing.  I feel strangely revealing and a little naked knowing that people can tell EXACTLY where my bellybutton is through a tank top, tshirt and a sweater.  It’s cavern like appearance is more then a little gross and it prompts the FH to push on it like it’s a button.  Incidentally it is like a button, when pushed it pisses me off.

Today I had a doctors appointment, they are every two weeks now and while she was doing her usual quick scan of Miss.Lexi she said - hey, she’s turning.  Like right now.  She went from the correct head down position to the incorrect Breech position WHILE we watched her.  Now if this isn’t a sign that this kid is totally going to look me dead in the eye as she dumps her dinner all over the cats I don’t know what is.  Baby girl, as your mother, let me tell you, thumbing your nose at authority is cute now but it’s going to get old real quick.  Turn around.  Please.

In addition to loving grapefruit I also love Blueberries.  LOVE.  This wouldn’t be an issue if you could buy more then one mouthful of blueberries per $3.99 container.  In other fruit news I have investigated how much it would cost to have three grapefruit trees in Santa Barbara CA….sadly, they do not grow well in NY….for a mature 6-8 feet tree it’s $350.00…and I think three is a good number of trees so for $1,050.00 I could have a small grapefruit orchard.  Now right now I pay .85/per grapefruit so in order for this investment to pay off I would need to get at least 1,235 grapefruits from the trees (not figuring in inflation).  Lets assume that I eat 12 grapefruits PER week it would take just under two years of grapefruit eating for the ROI to hit.  I think this is a good plan.

So, this day one year ago this little blog started….I can’t believe it was an entire year ago and I also can’t believe that it’s only been ONE year, it could have been several years, 3 even.  So much has changed and while looking back at my very first post I realized that I have not personally changed all that much…I am still not patient.  At all.

This blog and blogging as a whole has brought so much to my life…I feel like I have a little community, people that only live in my computer (and some others that live in both my computer and in real life) that are here for me…that relate, that care and that I relate and care about right back.  It’s really a gift.  Friendship is not always easy for me….on Grey’s Anatomy last week Dr. Hahn said “I don’t make friends easily.  At all.  I don’t make friends.  Easily.” and I cried for her because clearly what she needs is a blog.

So I thank you for reading, for commenting for being a part of my life and for giving me a glimpse into yours.

So I have three things.  Thing One is a funny story, Thing Two is a funny story and Thing Three is a list.

Thing One: Funny Story
Two years ago for my birthday the FH asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted a nice watch.  The day of my birthday the FH goes to the jewelry store to buy me a watch…I pretend I don’t know..I pretend like he got it weeks ago like I would have wanted.  He gives me the watch at dinner in front of everyone.  I wish I had taken a picture of this watch, but I did not.  The watch had a pink patent leather watchband and bling on the watch face.  It was clearly for a girl.  So I thanked him for being thoughtful and then thought about returning it immediately.   I was completely shocked that he would pick out THAT watch, I was pretty clear about it being “nice” and all metal and work appropriate…and this watch was none of the above.  A few days later I make it into the store to return the watch for something that I like and I see her.  She’s maybe 17, breasts out, hair long and swingy and leaning over the counter helping another man.  This person was the one that picked out my watch….it wasn’t the FH at all.  In fact, the FH was completely powerless to her.  I returned the watch, got the one that I wanted and laughed and laughed at how very simple my husband can sometimes be.  Ever since the pink watch incident the FH is gun shy on the present buying.

Thing Two: Funny Story
Remember the post where I did the FH top 10 travel stories?  Well he reminded me of another REALLY good one…I’m not sure it’s up there with Diesel but it’s Top 3 for sure.  Last summer the FH went to an event at the Disney Sports complex in Orlando, it’s a HUGE facility and the parking is many many miles and with no real indicators (those F3 signs are not present).  So the FH is driving a White PT Cruiser and as he’s driving to the event he’s telling me how much he likes this car and so forth.  He parks, it’s early, say 8am.  Around 4pm in July in Orlando it’s quite common to have huge thunderstorms.  This of course is the time that the FH decides he should leave the event.  We are on the phone about every 5 minutes this entire time.  The FH realizes he has NO idea where the car is - in the MILES of parking lot space.  He has no idea.  Not even an inkling.  Not even an idea of cars he parked around.  NONE.  He doesn’t know his license plate number, all he has is the key clicker thing.  He spends a good 45 minutes looking for the car in the thunderstorm solo - no luck.  He then commander’s a security person’s golf cart to continue looking for the car.  In that time he breaks the key clicker thing either from complete over use or rain.  It takes him over an 90 minutes to find the car.  EVERY single time we see a PT Cruiser the FH tells me how difficult they are to locate in parking lots.  HA

Thing Three:  A list of things not to do when you’re as pregnant as I am:

• Do not look at photos of yourself from high school.  Or college.  Or anytime before in your life when you were not pregnant.
• Do not daydream about how you looked in those photos.
• Do not go into the basement and get a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans out of your storage box to see if they will fit over your thighs.
• Do not make more then 4 cookies at a time.
• Do not pick up Self Magazine.  Don’t read it.  Don’t think about how difficult it will be to do those exercises.
• Do not look in the mirror and evaluate exactly how far gone your cheek bones are.
• Do not read about how pedicures are not good for you because of nail salon fumes.
• Do not accidentally make caffeinated tea and not realize it until you’ve had nearly a half gallon and then find yourself flying around in a hairy fit.
• Do not upload a recent picture of yourself into one of those hair sites to see new hair styles.
• Do not look at your roots.
• Do not try to shave your legs while bending over - you just might pass out when you’re in the house all alone, naked in the shower…which really isn’t the way anyone wants to be found.

So, the FH was introduced to the 11 elements this evening and he thinks that they are “bullshit” and he’d like to comment on each of them….so here we go.

#1 - Guilty as charged.

#2 - Chinese food is salty, and I don’t like it, so sue me.  The only thing I like is Sesame Chicken from K.Fungs and it closed after the flood so now I don’t like anything.  I said “whatever you want”.

#3 - I don’t believe in cards.

#4 - Cass, can I just tell you something, I don’t want to get you anything ever since the watch incident (this should TOTALLY be it’s own post because this watch story is pretty fantastic)

#5 - I don’t know what the hell a soap opera is.  DO you think I have TIME to watch something.  Freaking Yankees stink (yeah, he’s multi-tasking)

#6 - I’ve never said that phrase (incidentally, he said it TWICE while writing this response)

#7 - That’s rediculous.

#8 - Extended silence and then attempt to throw the conversation.  FINE. This Saturday I’m planning something.  I’m pulling out ALL the stops this weekend (Jebus, could it be true???)

#9 - What’s the difference?  If you ask me to clean it up, I do.  You asked me on Sunday and I did it.  (yeah, I did ask, and yeah he did do it.)  I don’t take initiative when it comes to domestic responsibilities.

#10 - I always comment, what are you talking about?  (okay, actually he does notice quite a bit.)

#11 - I always ask and you always say “I don’t want to talk about” (this is actually true too - but I actually DO want to talk about it….I just don’t know where to start.)

So there, he’s responded….it’s an equal opportunity blog.

This post has been in draft for a long long time.  I think it’s missing a few clues so please add your own in the comments:

Clues for the Clueless
a guide for men on nice things they could and should do for their wives

1. Come home when you say that you’ll come home, at the time that you said that you would be home.  Not 20 minutes after that time, not 15 minutes after that time, at that time.  For example if you say “I’ll be home at 7:30pm” come home at 7:30pm, not 7:55 or 8:03 or 7:42.
2. When your wife says “Doesn’t Chinese food sound good” your response should be one of the following, do not STRAY from these responses and for goodness sake don’t say no.
   1. Yes, it does.  What would you like and I’ll order it and pick it up.
   2. Yes, it does.  Do you want your favorite sesame shrimp or chicken and broccoli tonight?  (Actually knowing the favorite increases your odds of scoring, and lets be honest since you turned 12 that was the primary goal of every day.)
   3. Yes, it does.  How about I get the chicken and broccoli and you can get the sesame shrimp and then you’ll be able to have a little bit of EACH of your favorites.
3. A man invented Halmark to get laid.  Follow his lead and visit the store, buy the card, write something personal in the card, do not just sign your name.  Don’t have someone else get the card, like your mother, don’t ask your mother to pick up the card, YOU go to Halmark and buy the card, write something in it and then sign your name.  Then give the card to your wife.  You get extra credit if the card was clearly sealed more then 20 seconds before you give the card to your wife.
4. Make the effort to do something nice.  Go to a store and buy a gift your wife has casually mentioned…you’ll notice this will have required you to pay attention to your wife, so you’ll need to do that too.  If you’re late as in example one don’t come home empty handed; an $.85 bag of m&m’s will at least make your wife smile.
5. Watch 15 minutes of any soap opera and listen to what a man is saying to a women that leads to an embrace…now think about what you could say to your wife that would lead to an embrace.  Go say that.  You’ll note that thinking is involved here.
6. Eliminate this phrase from your mind “What else do you want from me?” and never, ever, ever say it again
7. When your wife says “my back is killing me” the very next words out of your mouth should be “well, get over here and I’ll rub your back for a few minutes” THEN, and this is key, ACTUALLY rub her back - don’t just put your hands on her shoulders for a second and then lose interest in the game that’s on tv.
8. When your wife says “would you like to do something special just the two of us on Saturday night” you should say “yeah, why don’t I make reservations someplace and surprise you.”  THEN actually make reservations somewhere.  DO NOT just ‘play it by ear’ and NOT make a reservation, don’t say “sure, whatever you want, just tell me when I need to be ready.”, don’t say “yeah, lets eat where we always eat, and hey, lets not have a romantic dinner, lets invite my entire extended family to join us.”
9. As you walk past things that you have left out of place I want you to A. Recognize them as objects and B. Put them back.  This is going to be a challenge, but let’s try to push the bar a little here.
10. Notice ANYTHING.  Here’s a few things you could notice:  the laundry was put away, she is wearing pretty earrings, she showered, the carpet is vacuumed, the electricity is on which implies that she paid the electric bill, that color really brings out her eyes, she is really interesting and smart - how on earth did you get so lucky, dinner was made and it was delicious.
11. Ask this question “How was your day” and then I want you to do something REALLY crazy, I want you to look her in the eye and actually LISTEN to what she has to say, nodding occasionally.  DO NOT interrupt your wife after she says 3 words to tell her how YOUR day was, DO NOT go into details about how your day was so much BETTER/WORSE then her day was.

There….before I print this out for the Fridge, ladies do you have any additions?

Now, I don’t think that I need to remind any of you that New Kids on the Block will be performing on the Today show on Friday and I don’t think that I need to tell you that my 12 year old self is nearly busting with anticipation here. When I went on iTunes this morning to purchase the Duffy cd that came out today I noticed that the NKOTB single Summertime was also for sale. I resisted because I’m sure it will be on the radio the entire summer and that by the end of June I’ll want them to go back into hiding retirement. But the song did get me thinking about Summertime and how you can really recount your life in summers. Here’s mine. What are yours?

There was the summer that I spent a lot of time at Darien Lake amusement park and one day Tiffany and I met hot guys in the water park area and this guy was a hot wrestler and he had a superman tattoo….I got into a lot of trouble with Tiffany, that guy was hot though and I still remember the boy short bikini I had at the time with the stripes in lime green, yellow and orange. Rockin.

There was the summer before senior year of high school where we moved and I spent most of the summer really ramping up an eating disorder that would make me both hated and desired. That whole summer is a blur.  But look at how thin I was….sadly I thought I still had another 15lbs to lose.

There was the summer before college that I spent pretending to work for my father and really it was a lot of time with my then boyfriend and his best friend…lots of pizza hut dinners, camping trips and tears. With that guy there was always a tear segment.

There was the summer after freshmen year in college that I worked on Keuka Lake - that was a fantastic summer. I loved working at restaurants and if I had the chance to run another one I would jump on it. I love the restaurant business - I was in my stride…there was flirting with countless kitchen staff members and waiters, nights where we’d all hang out on the lake really late and jump in. That was a really great summer - that was also the summer my tire fell off my car. Remember that Mike? Here’s a picture to commemorate that summer:

There was the summer before senior year of college that I spent traveling all over the Ohio/Indiana region to see my then boyfriend. He was into baseball and zoo’s so we had a lot of fun - I think out of all my boyfriends that he was the most like me in that he liked to be active and do things. That was also an awful summer as my mom had breast cancer and looking back on it spending all that time with him was a huge escape from dealing with the scary reality of what my mom was going through.

The summer that I moved to Westchester is the biggest blur of all - I had been working on some great projects at a job that I loved and the work was coming to an end and the position was going away and I was talking to the FH all the time and I found a cross roads and decided to jump and move to Westchester. Looking back on it I can’t believe how crazy, stupid and also brave I was to do that. It was my loneliest summer ever, it was full of questioning my life, my decisions, my wants…there was a lot of boxed wine involved.

This summer will be the most eventful of all. This will be the summer that we introduce Lexi. I can’t wait.

I’ve had the over whelming desire to Shhh today.  The act of Shh’ing is very simple you just face an issue, a person, a noise and you make the SHhhhh sound to it.  I like it when you accompany the open mouth/close mouth hand gesture.  The only problem with this desire is that I have had no one to Shhh, nothing, na-da.  The cats aren’t vocal, the conference calls were all canceled and what I really wanted to Shhh was the work…and given that it doesn’t even have ears it seemed really silly to Shhh it.

I spent most of the day realizing that the perfect Pandora station did not exist that no matter what was on in the background it would still be work that I was doing and the kind of work that makes peoples eyes bleed at that.  I set the bar pretty high today to accomplish lots of stuff and most of it is accomplished but I had no fun.  None.  It’s nearly 6pm I’ve been sitting in the same spot since 7am with bathroom breaks and making lunch break and I want to get off the ride.  I’m going to do something fun…buy shoes that I don’t need and buy bee killer that I do need.  I’m still in a funky Monday mood but it is Monday after all what did I expect?

So how was your Monday?

I deleted the post I wrote this morning.  It was supposed to make me feel better about how frustrated I am with the FH but it did not make me feel better.  It made me feel worse.  It made me want to pack and leave for an extended vacation to anywhere else in the entire world.  So I’m going to say this:  The FH has some stuff to learn….I hope he learns quick.

Dear Lexi-
Today is Mother’s Day…my very first one as your mom. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about you today and about how excited I am to be your mom and as I’ve been thinking about you, you must be thinking about me too because you have kicked ALL day and usually you’re just not so active during the day, you like to save your activity for when I’m trying to go to sleep or focus on something.

There’s a lot of pressure about being your mom that has me a little anxious but one thing I know won’t be a challenge at all is loving you. That will be very easy - because I already do…so so so much. So as your Mom I wanted to say Thank You - for already shaping my days, for reminding me what’s really truly important, for teaching me that grapefruit really is the most brilliant of all citrus, and for giving me the gift of you. I am so grateful to have you with me…to feel you kick, to know that you’re in there cozy and safe and I want you to know that even though it’s not always comfortable and I complain sometimes that I would stay pregnant forever if it meant keeping you safe forever.

I hope that you always know that I am the luckiest women in the world because I get to be your mom. That I treasure you. You are and always will be my little girl, even if you scream that you hate me and slam your bedroom door, I will still love you more then anyone else on this entire planet. You have my whole heart little girl and you always will.

Thanks for my very first mothers day.
Mommy