Funny stories and a list

So I have three things.  Thing One is a funny story, Thing Two is a funny story and Thing Three is a list.

Thing One: Funny Story
Two years ago for my birthday the FH asked me what I wanted. I said I wanted a nice watch.  The day of my birthday the FH goes to the jewelry store to buy me a watch…I pretend I don’t know..I pretend like he got it weeks ago like I would have wanted.  He gives me the watch at dinner in front of everyone.  I wish I had taken a picture of this watch, but I did not.  The watch had a pink patent leather watchband and bling on the watch face.  It was clearly for a girl.  So I thanked him for being thoughtful and then thought about returning it immediately.   I was completely shocked that he would pick out THAT watch, I was pretty clear about it being “nice” and all metal and work appropriate…and this watch was none of the above.  A few days later I make it into the store to return the watch for something that I like and I see her.  She’s maybe 17, breasts out, hair long and swingy and leaning over the counter helping another man.  This person was the one that picked out my watch….it wasn’t the FH at all.  In fact, the FH was completely powerless to her.  I returned the watch, got the one that I wanted and laughed and laughed at how very simple my husband can sometimes be.  Ever since the pink watch incident the FH is gun shy on the present buying.

Thing Two: Funny Story
Remember the post where I did the FH top 10 travel stories?  Well he reminded me of another REALLY good one…I’m not sure it’s up there with Diesel but it’s Top 3 for sure.  Last summer the FH went to an event at the Disney Sports complex in Orlando, it’s a HUGE facility and the parking is many many miles and with no real indicators (those F3 signs are not present).  So the FH is driving a White PT Cruiser and as he’s driving to the event he’s telling me how much he likes this car and so forth.  He parks, it’s early, say 8am.  Around 4pm in July in Orlando it’s quite common to have huge thunderstorms.  This of course is the time that the FH decides he should leave the event.  We are on the phone about every 5 minutes this entire time.  The FH realizes he has NO idea where the car is - in the MILES of parking lot space.  He has no idea.  Not even an inkling.  Not even an idea of cars he parked around.  NONE.  He doesn’t know his license plate number, all he has is the key clicker thing.  He spends a good 45 minutes looking for the car in the thunderstorm solo - no luck.  He then commander’s a security person’s golf cart to continue looking for the car.  In that time he breaks the key clicker thing either from complete over use or rain.  It takes him over an 90 minutes to find the car.  EVERY single time we see a PT Cruiser the FH tells me how difficult they are to locate in parking lots.  HA

Thing Three:  A list of things not to do when you’re as pregnant as I am:

• Do not look at photos of yourself from high school.  Or college.  Or anytime before in your life when you were not pregnant.
• Do not daydream about how you looked in those photos.
• Do not go into the basement and get a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans out of your storage box to see if they will fit over your thighs.
• Do not make more then 4 cookies at a time.
• Do not pick up Self Magazine.  Don’t read it.  Don’t think about how difficult it will be to do those exercises.
• Do not look in the mirror and evaluate exactly how far gone your cheek bones are.
• Do not read about how pedicures are not good for you because of nail salon fumes.
• Do not accidentally make caffeinated tea and not realize it until you’ve had nearly a half gallon and then find yourself flying around in a hairy fit.
• Do not upload a recent picture of yourself into one of those hair sites to see new hair styles.
• Do not look at your roots.
• Do not try to shave your legs while bending over - you just might pass out when you’re in the house all alone, naked in the shower…which really isn’t the way anyone wants to be found.