I’ve had this post in me for a long time…it’s been marinating…or being ignored intentionally because it’s a touchy subject for me. So here we go. The evolving nature of being a sibling.
I have a brother, lets call him Mark, because that’s his name (I’m so clever sometimes). Tomorrow Mark will turn 26. He’s my little brother and in a lot of ways he always will be. In other ways he is much bigger, like in height. My brother is very tall and he’s pretty cute too. When we were kids we were constantly playing; the hours that we have spent making forts, playing legos, swinging, and getting into trouble in the ditch and the woods and the playroom can not be counted. I love my brother very very much – he was my Maid of Honor at my wedding because I couldn’t think of another person in the world that I could count on the way I can count on My Mark. He’s very thoughtful, kind and sensitive – he’s also tough, strong and likes to get dirty. He also learns things the hard way a lot of the time and I’ve always tried to be there for him as much as possible because he’s my brother, and that means a lot to me.
This morning I instant messaged with my brother. This was the first time that we had been in contact in 4 months. Clearly we both have a lot going on….he’s expecting a little boy in the next month and like every situation, it’s complicated. (I can’t wait to be an Aunt, and yes, this child will be spoiled rotten) There was a time that I could tell Mark anything, I could be really honest, I wouldn’t have to sugar coat anything for him because he knew that I was coming from a place that only loved him and never judged him. I guess at some point, and I’m not sure when, this changed. Because the last time I spoke to him 4 months ago I gave my five cents (it was quite a bit more then 2 cents, I admit, and I probably should have said 2 cents worth)….and he must have questioned that fundamental thing that I thought never needed questioning: That he’s my brother, I love him unconditionally and I would never judge him. In fairness, he’s very busy and probably had no clue that it had been so long that we hadn’t spoken….being pregnant my month counting has become really advanced.
So my thought this Thursday is how do relationships with siblings change? Does it happen as you become “grown-ups” or when you get married or when you have kids? And am I the only one that doesn’t really like this change? It will be a while before Lexi has a sibling, but when that happens what will my expecations be for their relationship? Is it different between sisters or brothers or the combination…having only ever had a brother I wonder what it would be like to have a sister.
It’s a kind of rainy day today and I would give just about anything to go play a game of monopoly with my brother and maybe play some lego’s and be 9 again…so even though he doesn’t read my blog (apparently, he gets enough of me without reading my every thought on this blog) here’s a little birthday message….maybe Mom or Becca will print it for him. Happy Birthday Bud. I am so proud of you and I always will be. You’re my brother and I couldn’t have more love for you – I just couldn’t. I can’t believe that we’re both going to be PARENTS and I can’t wait to see what a fantastic Dad you’re going to be. The thing that’s really scary is that if these kids are anything like us the next 18 years (okay 25) are going to be pretty busy….I need you to know that no matter how busy I am that I think of you every day…I think about cookie making and christmas and shopping trips and fort making and I smile – because I got so lucky to have a brother like you. Cheers to another year! I love ya.
Filed under: Long and Thoughtful | Tagged: birthday, brothers, siblings
LUMP…Hold on…let me swallow it…This is so true and the only reason that lump formed in my throat is because…Cass? I couldn’t have identified more with this post. All relationships change and perhaps it’s the sibling bond that changes most in our lives. Our parents are always our parents, our spouses the love of our lives but our siblings perhaps is the most drastic of changes. As the youngest I can say I’ve gone through a multitude of emotional changes with my siblings (stories for other times) but I know that they will always be there for me and I for them no matter how different our lives may be and how opposite our paths may have taken us. When we’re old and gray it is our siblings who will still know every gritty detail of our childhood and the very fiber of our being that made up who we are today and when we’re old and gray.
I am sitting here crying. I too have a younger brother. We are so close, even though he lives in MA and I’m here in ME. Oh, we’ve had our moments and I know he would have rather had a dog than a sister, but I couldn’t imagine NOT having him. He makes me crazy and sometimes I want to smack him around, but he’s my brother and I’d do anything for him. I hope he feels the same way about me.
Awww, you just made me so happy that I am having a son to join my daughter. I grew up with a sister, Mike grew up with a brother, and we know no other type of sibling relationship. We continually worry that there won’t be as strong a bond because one is a girl and one is a boy.
I am so happy to see that it is not the case, and that sibling love is unconditional, regardless of gender.
I wish I had some more insight into sibling relationships and when and how they change, but part of me thinks that they never do.
My brother is 27 and I am 31, growing up we were never really close. I went to the police academy, and well, he would get arrested. Now we have a pretty good relationship. He loves my Kid (his Godson). But alas, he is a world traveler and is India right now. He lived in Prague for 2 years and loves to travel. So when we see each other we pretty much just hang out at our mom’s house.
That last paragraph was very sweet. I have a brother 17 months younger than me and we hated each other from about junior high on. Now, we are best friends. I guess we just matured in adults and became closer.
Thanks for making me cry Cass. He is a great guy isn’t he? I am sure your mom will relay the message but I will as well. I know he is scared to be a dad but I also think he is excited. He will be such a good example and strict where I am soft. (he’s already that way with Maddie) I know he loves you too but its not the same hearing it from me as it will be from him. Don’t worry. He knows you are the big sister looking out for him and admit it- any guy hates to admit they were or are wrong. It will all work out, I am one of 9 and believe me, things always do. I can’t wait to meet Lexi so I can spoil her rotten!!! Like I said before, I wish you lived closer so the kids could torment each other and get Lexi ready for a sibling!!! Here are some hugs for you because at this point both of us pregnant ladies sure could use all we can get!! I’m rambling and making no sense but what else would you expect?!