What I wish I said

Do you ever have moments where you’re just not that quick on your feet and after a few minutes (or hours) you realize the perfect thing that that you really wanted to say?  This has happened frequently lately so here goes it:

Situation: At the doctor’s office on the scale this morning.
Nurse says: 7lbs this month, gee whiz.
What I said: <insert noise of jaw dropping to floor>
What I wish I said: I did have a big pasta dinner last night.
What I wish I said Take 2: Yeah, 7l.b.s’s straight to the boob’s…hot, right?
What I wish I said Take 3: Whatchu know bout me?  (from the song that is still in my head from H&M at the mall on Friday….pardon my Nancy Kerrigan moment but…..WHY ME?)

Situation: At the airport picking up the FH and very large, very dark African American man walks by me and says Baby Momma got it goin on.  No joke.
What I said: Um, Thanks.
What I wish I said: You know it.
What I wish I said Take 2: Whatchu know about me (anyone else sensing a trend?)

Situation: At Brooks Brothers this morning returning shorts I had bought for the FH that were not “just right” for goldilocks
Checkout person says: I think I totally just saw your baby move.
What I said: Yeah, she does that.
What I wish I said: Are you eying my stomach…seriously?  That’s weird
What I wish I said Take 2: I’m not pregnant – you saw pancakes moving.
What I wish I said Take 3: I’m harboring an alien.

Situation: On the phone with the FH because I should feel bad about saying something that made him feel bad.
FH says: I just don’t think you realize how your words hurt my feelings sometimes.
What I said: So, what you’re saying is that I need to be more considerate.  Sarcasm especially thick.
What I wish I said: You’re right FH, you’re doing your very best and I love you very much.  I’m sorry.
What I wish I said Take 2: I’m harboring an alien here Mister – give a sister a pass.
What I wish I said Take 3: You should have said so at LaGuardia I had an interested suitor.