Pregnancy comes with a few extras that I hadn’t planned on. I just know that this is kid is going to be cute as a button and the second she enters our world everything will change and I’ll say “see, it was in fact all worth it”. She’s not here today (thank goodness) and so I’m going to give you a little insight into the many wonders that are in play here.
Wonder of Wonders #1 – The inability to bend. I can not bend….this is relatively new…two weeks ago I remember very clearly being able to bend over and tie my shoe without huffing, sitting down, throwing my foot over my knee…and now, I can not. If I drop a piece of paper on the ground I sigh very loudly, I sometimes even swear loudly and scare the cats, because I have to figure out how the hell to get the damn piece of paper…because bending at the waist doesn’t work so well when you have a belly-stopper that stops you at about the 80 degree mark and my arms are not that of an orangutan so, I have to do the deep knee bend (more huffing), or the down on one knee move. It’s not pretty folks. Not. Pretty.
Wonder of Wonders #2 – Let’s just say it: gas. This is not something I would “normally” ever write about or admit to. But these are NOT normal times. I don’t care what the damn book says. The other night I was on the floor stretching my back because I have this great shooting pain that starts mid back and runs around my hip and then down to mid-thigh….it’s a great time…it’s like Six Flags Great Adventure on 95 degree day in July and they shut down the water slides. So I was stretching and I passed a little gas. This is an understatement. It wasn’t a little gas, there was nothing dainty about this. This, you poor souls was a fart. I hate that word. So the FH says this “Holy Good God, Was that YOU???? That’s incredible. You could have started a swim meet in a crowded pool five miles away.” I laughed pretty hard.
Wonder of Wonders #3 – Send in the Sobber. I sob. I cry. I weep. Something goes wrong, you better believe the tear ducts are getting ready. I read a sad post, which I did today and I was down for the count. I weeped for this poor family – I felt for them in every inch of myself, I cried and I asked God WHY and I thanked God for being so good to me and keeping us safe and I sobbed harder. Even when I laugh, I cry….because it is just SO funny that it makes me cry. If you’re looking for someone to play the weepy best friend I am your girl.
Wonder of Wonders #4 – I just don’t get it. Some things I get….the bare belly shots – I get them….some people have much nicer looking belly’s then I do so I appreciate there desire to have the bare belly shot. You will never see my bare belly….having said that, I should add the words “on purpose” here. When I purchased maternity clothing I remember thinking that the shirts were SO long and they will last the ENTIRE pregnancy because CERTAINLY I couldn’t get so big that THESE shirts wouldn’t cover my belly. Guess What? Those shirts are creeping up onto the belly shelf and I walked by a mirror today and saw my bare belly and almost gave myself the DIRTIEST look. Okay. See the other thing I wonder about is how I can digress like that. See all of that stuff I just wrote. Not. On. Topic. What I don’t get are the belly casts…you know the people that pinata the belly up to save the belly for….ummm….what are they saving the belly cast for? Posterity? Is that why you save the belly. Maybe I’m the freak. Maybe I’m the only one that thinks that’s just a little too….I don’t know…the word….is escaping me….let’s go with….SCARY? I have this really sick vision in my head. The FH and I are throwing a party for a lot of people in like 20 years and have six GIGANTIC bags of chips from Costco and we need to find an adequate serving dish for all of those chips. This would be a task I delegate to the FH and upon seeing the belly in the rafters of the garage he says “Yureka” and pours all the chips in the belly….and then the party is going on and someone says “Cass, where on EARTH did you find such a HUGE paper mache bowl?” and I’d look at it for a good long time thinking, where the hell did the FH find such a bowl and I would have a moment of recognition where I would consider running and I would be horrified because HOW on EARTH could the FH use THAT to serve CHIPS in? HOW????? and I’d have to say “oh, my, that is something, that’s actually my belly when I was pregnant with Lexi. oh my” And I would be effectively BRIGHT RED for the rest of my life. So yeah. No to the belly cast.
Filed under: Pregnancy in Practice | Tagged: belly gas, farts, Pregnancy, sobbing
hahaha on the gas thing! i was the gassiest human on the face of the planet, i swear, and i believe i have passed it on to my daughter. her flatulance can rival a 250 lb sailor, i kid you not. her father cannot even compete.
Gas and the bending go hand in hand with me. Even walking causes it- and needless to say that someone very close to me points it out every chance he gets! Bot will he be suprised that after the little man comes, the gas will probably still be here!!!
#1 I can still bend but if I so for more than a second I can’t breath and start to see dark spots in front of my eyes.
#2 Let’s not even go there.
#3 OMG I hate being such a girl. Yesterday on the way to the new OB, I got lost and called hubby crying so hard I couldn’t breath. And laughing? Let’s just say #4 made me laugh so hard my hubby asked if I was laughing or crying (both actually).
1) I remember the bending, not quite there yet, but not looking forward to it.
2) Oh boy, I come from a long line of farters. My grandfather can clear a county. I make him proud, even when I’m not pregnant. But the thing I can’t stand is all the gas from my mouth. I am burping. all. the.time.
3) I don’t really cry too much.
4) Laughing my ass off. I was thinking about doing a cast this time around, and you are SO right. What for? I don’t need another dust collector in this house.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!
Ohhhh I hope I’m still laughing when I personally am going through that oh, 4 or so months from now.
Girl, you crack me up! I don’t get the belly cast things either. Although, they’d make a sweet chip and dip bowl BWAH HAHA HA HA HAAHA!
Pregnancy gas is the best revenge on husbands. BEST.
Pregnancy gas is the best…not for us, but for our husbands…ha, dutch oven for you!!!
Did you read Nicole’s blog recently? I have not been able to stop thinking (or crying) about it since I read it today. I tell my husband I’m afaid to start trying for another baby…between one preterm labor and one miscarriage, this could very likely happen to us too…and I can’t imagine the grief…what do you say to someone who has gone through this?!
Uh yeah, we didn’t do the casts or bare belly pics. Well, I did mine, but that’s another story…
Seriously, we took a pic of us as a couple and we became parents 2 days later.
I’m DYING at the FH’s swim team crack!!
Bending was HORRIBLE for me. I swear, Jimmy would purposely watch me try and try to get something just for his own amusement before he’d get it for me.
No casts. I have TWO belly shots from when I was pregnant. One is with my shirt covering and the other is not. I regret not documenting it more.
Shirts not fitting?! Ugh. I spent SO MUCH MONEY on maternity shirts. The last 4 weeks, NOTHING covered my belly.
There is no bending in this house any longer.
And I am so PISSED that I keep spending money on maternity shirts that no longer fit, even though they seemed like a fucking TENT when I bought them. So, even though I may try and dress appropriately, sometime my belly “crescent” peeks through. I have given up.
At 2:00 in the morning when a certain toddler insists that I go downstairs and get her a different cup of water, I’m willing to argue that there are certain aspects that are not so worth it. The same feeling comes over me when I go clothes shopping. It just isn’t pretty what that kid did to me. Mean little thing.
I, for one, don’t understand belly photos. I have tried, and I don’t.