What I read: Newborn surprises mom and Army dad on leave
What I said: Shut the hell up. I mean seriously. You had NO idea. That makes me think you’re clueless and it makes me not like you. Not in a personal way, you may be a nice person. But you’re still clueless. Seriously. NO IDEA? You gained a little weight? There is little else in this world I could attribute the jabbing in my ribs to…I mean an alien, sure that’s possible. But you didn’t know? REALLY? I hope Meredith Vierra gets to interview you on the Today show.
What I read: A Carnation Garland at a baby shower (you’ll have to scroll to the end)
What I said: That’s awful. I’m sorry but it isn’t enough that you’re the size of a horse? People want to put a flower garland around you like you’ve just won the freaking derby? Stick the carnations in a vase and let me punch them off the table alla Carrie Bradshaw when Burger dumped her via the Post-It. This is awful…people that suggest this crap should be pranced around in a flower garland on a track while a small jockey jogs beside them.
What I did: I played this game with Pocklock
What I said: I recommend only starting this if you have years of your life to sacrifice.
What I read: Miley Cyrus dedication of web video
What I said: Really? To Jebus? I mean that’s sweet and wholesome in a really odd way but don’t you think this will reflect badly on you in a few years when you are in rehab? Am I pessimistic? NO, I’m realistic.
What I read: Stuff not to say on an interview
What I said: You better believe the next person I interview will be asked these questions.
- Tell me the most AWFUL thing a boss of yours has ever done?
- Please tell me all about your allergies and what the awful side effects are.
- What was the most rewarding part of your last stint in rehab?
- Why did you use the word initiative 17 times in your resume?
What I read: Suri…where are you?
What I said: I’ll take Getting a Nose job for $500 Alex.
Filed under: 1
Ok, I am SO writing a whole post on the not knowing your pregnant thing. Mike and I talk about this all the time. I just don’t get it. I mean, there are times when I think this kid may actually push through skin.
i was dying laughing throughout this post. oh and not knowing your pregnant – are these people for real? i really don’t understand that AT ALL!
There is just no way someone could not know they’re pregnant. How out of touch with their own body could they be? I could see missing periods, not realizing at first…but the hard stomach and growth, the kicking and moving inside you, the excess peeing and heartburn…you just have to be super out of touch with your body…and REALITY!!!!! Sheesh.